Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Love, Life, Work and William

Ok, it's time I sit down and right some real words, coherent sentences about mommy hood.

I feel like the past week has really given me some perspective on life.  Last Wednesday I returned to work full time.  This was one of the hardest, yet most rewarding things I have done in my 26 years of life.  

Let's first talk about why it was hard :

I think that sums it up.  
I had to leave my little man with an almost stranger for an entire day!  His happiness is the most important thing to me and I worried about how this new person would handle him.  Would she know to give him gripe water if he was gassy, would she even know if he was gassy.  Would she know that he likes to rock for awhile before going down for a nap.  How would she know if he was hungry, mad, dirty?! On and on and on....  I worried constantly about what could go wrong.  You get the picture.  Trusting someone else to care for my baby was hard.  I had been his care provider for 10 weeks and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to share that role, let alone be away from my boy for 8 hours at a time!

And now, let's discuss why returning to work was a good thing:

Once again it's this little guy!  He really does make everything better.  I know that sounds crazy, how could leaving him with a sitter make my day better?  William makes working so much more meaningful than it ever was before.  My time seems more valuable now, my first weekend home with him was probably the best I've ever had.  Each second I get to spend with him I cherish even more than I did when I was his sole care provider.  I didn't realize it was possible to love my time with him more than I already did.  I spent all weekend and every evening for the past week soaking up my little man.  I spend 8 hours a day showing off pictures and bragging about how amazing my baby is and I really wouldn't trade our situation for anything in the world.  I have lots of friends and family that choose to stay home with their little ones and I have great respect for them.  I did it for 10 weeks and wouldn't give that time back for anything.  However, for me returning to work gave me such a sense of pride and accomplishment.  I grew up in a home with 2 working parents, and I think that I am a strong independent woman today because of the example that my mom provided for me.  I want that for William.  I want him to see that a woman is more than just a care taker.  I want him to know that before his daddy went to work full-time it was mommy that supported the family.  I want William to grow up with a strong female presence in his life, I want him to respect me and his future spouse for our hard work and determination.  I want William to know that the things he has in life didn't come without a price and that I would do anything to give him the best!

I also want him to know that his daddy works just as hard as mommy.  He puts in more time and energy working multiple jobs, while being a full time student to provide for our family.

None of this would be possible if it wasn't for miss Allison.  Luke and I have been blessed with the most amazing woman.  She has opened her home to our little man.  He is the only baby she keeps and he gets to spend all day being loved on by her and her 2 boys.  Allison keeps me updated with texts throughout the day and I know that without her updates I would go a little crazy.  I thought that trusting another person to care for William would be impossible but I've found a person that I trust, she is raising adorable little boys herself and getting to see William enjoy her and her boys each morning when we drop him off melts my heart!!

Yesterday when I dropped him off and handed him to Allison he gave her a big ole grin and I knew once again that I was doing the right thing!  

Plus - she made us cookies and sent them home with William on Monday.  I'm pretty sure that wasn't in our agreement but there are NO complaints from me!

Today is Wednesday, William's short day with miss Allison and since Luke is in the middle of his comprehensive exams I get to bring my little man to work with me for a few hours this afternoon and  you have NO idea how excited I am to show him off!!

So, long story short.  For me returning to work has been a blessing.  I know it doesn't work that way for everyone and I'm sure someday when we can afford it I may even cut back my work hours, but I do feel at this moment very happy with my decision and that is more than I was asking for just a few short weeks ago!

Have a wonderful last few days of the week!